Thinking of the exactly right word or phrase–do I start with a question to demand a call to action? Do I reference a personal experience? Do I begin with “once upon a time”?
How to gather…words…sentences…let’s create something here Ian…c’mon now.
I’m winging this, going off the dome. Does this need to make sense?
Well, a lot of my creative process goes like this, riffing thoughts from the top of my dome until these thoughts compile into some sort of something.
Maybe they never will.
Maybe they’ll compile into a jumbled-up mess of brainfart.
And this, my friend, is exactly what's going down...
As I sit at this cafe, riffing off the dome, having got shy of five hours of sleep last night, feeling the post drag of a Cinco De Mayo gone a bit too hard, feeling the intensity of emotions a bit extra due to this microdose I popped this morning, heavily caffeinated on my second cup of coffee–I'm in a zone of self-expression unlike the common zone I’m used to.
Maybe, just maybe, this is what it takes to feel a bit of creative inspiration, that inspiration that I feel I lack when I am so beyond overcome by my normal day to day agenda and routine.
Lately, I tend to forget what it feels like to tap back in, to tap back into this creative realm that is souly such a part of who I am, this part of me that I truly cannot hide, but have been able to dismiss for some time–this part of me that will force itself to the surface regardless of how thick the water may be.
Am I even making sense?
I don’t even care at this point. These are my thoughts as they come to fruition in my mind.
Unfiltered. Unaltered. Flawed perhaps. Yet so real.
This is me, currently, presently.
This is what it means to express freely. To be alive in an odd sense, to not think twice about what you're thinking. To express who you are, without putting yourself through a filter. Why? And for who?
I usually have my earphones in, when I get into this state of being creative. Music has always been deemed inspiring and has always helped me tap in creatively. However, this time, the natural noise around has me feeling everything, being with this setting for as it is–this gent behind me talks a lot about himself; he hasn't stopped talking for the last 20 minutes; my phone keeps going off with spam calls–I must’ve signed up for some bogus newsletter and fucked myself signing my phone number away to the black web.
Our information is never safe. More unsafe than ever.
But whatever, this is life. I'd rather not be afraid and just accept the reality of what is sometimes.
Off the dome I continue.
It feels extremely healing brainfarting everything going through my mind as I write these thoughts out in real time.
Now you can get a slight sense of how my mind works. I feel, truly, that your mind works rather similarly. You just choose to push down those thoughts, or dismiss them, or fixate on one, rather than be with them presently, express them authentically, and then let them go.
We were once children.
Children will tell you how it is. They will cry when upset, smile when they are truly happy, then frown seconds later because why not? Maybe they got sad abruptly because they can get sad abruptly. They will be curious presently; they will wonder about everything and express themselves freely. They have no filter, until they're introduced to those filters. We once were allowed to exist as such, to be as we were created to be.
Unfiltered. Unaltered. As you are, as you want to be, as you choose to be.
Why not let yourself be that way sometimes? Why not allow yourself the time to just be this way? I’m giving myself this time right now to just be this way, to be like a kid and express myself through words without filter.
Again, does any of this make sense?
Does it have to? To me this is my sense, these are my senses, these are my emotions, and who I am. I don't feel a need to explain that to anyone. Take me as I am or don't. That's your choice, that's okay, and no one is ever forcing you.
I love life–another thought comes to mind.
I love creating, as it reminds me what it means to be alive in this life.
Again, thoughts as they come to the dome.
Early 2000 songs playing through the speakers around. I am now back with this setting, and not so longer in my head. I got caught up in my head there for a quick bit. A bit more present with this setting again.
With being in this setting, I notice the people around. I hear the gent behind me still talking about himself. I see a couple in the corner, extremely animated with hand gestures–what the hell are they talking about? Super intense conversation, and it's obvious. Her smile is so warm, as she's visiting with a friend. That guy at the coffee shop is so goddamn tall! And I would think he has his freshly, detailed Bentley parked in the handicap spot outside without actually being handicap–what an asshole. Wow, now I’m smelling the crop-dust of some guy who just walked past me. Now I’m a bit off put.
It’s funny to just exist sometimes, to feel the mix of emotions that can change in seconds, to witness the mix of thoughts that are always just coming and going.
And this has been a truly exciting experiment to just brainfart all this shit in real time.
Unfiltered. Unaltered.
For your entertainment. For my clarity.
This is me tapping in. This is me being, uh…
The GM here bleached his hair. Shit, is he ok? Did his partner leave him overnight?
Wandering mind. This caffeine is finally hitting me. Thank God.
I’m going to go on a run after this. Thank God I brought my running gear.
But yes, as I was saying, this is me being so completely free for you with this. This is a bit of how my creative process works. Usually, I’ll just lay out some thoughts, unfiltered, read it back, then filter it into something that's worth sharing.
This time, I chose to keep it raw. To give you a sense of how it all goes when I choose to open a doc, lay out some words, and create.
Maybe, just maybe, this will inspire you to do the same and see where your strong brain of a thing will take you.
This might be completely pointless. Maybe it is...wait, no its not.
I really don't know, but this was fun.
This is what I felt right to do, without hesitation, with my time here at this coffee shop. Do I question? I mean here I am not even hesitating sharing this with you.
This is real. Let's be for real.
This gent behind me is still fucking talking.
The end.