I lie here–the weight of this sacred shell sinks into the pillowing grass beneath me. I feel it sink deeper, every new slow breath I take. Upon each new breath, I feel myself connecting more to all that is around me–my sinking body begins to emerge into one with the bed of grass below me, sinking further past the surface and rooting to the network of life that connects all that is alive around me. I too feel alive with it all.
All begins to feel so simple. All is truly simple once we allow it to be that way. The bird songs tickle my ear, yet all I see to my naked eye is the swaying of the branches above me, sun leaks sneaking through the gaps of each branch–at certain moments, the sway allows the perfect stream of light through, illuminating my eyes to see more than what I had moments before. It’s when I allow myself to see more at which I see not just the branches swaying, or the sun leaking through, or the clouds passing by, but the first little bird in presence.
I’d feel it fair to say that, for most, it would be easy to overlook this bird being here. Most just see the tree, in its majestic form. Nothing wrong in doing so–but the true beauty of this tree lies in the details. To see the branches of this tree is something deeper. To notice the sun as a part of this tree's experience, and how its leaks play along with its branches sway–much deeper. Yet, to notice this little bird perched amongst its hidden branches, and further, to put yourself with that little bird, as small as it may be–to see it in all its beauty, to emotionally feel it, to somewhat understand it, and to connect with it as if you are a part of it–that, I feel, is the place in which we are supposed to be.
I close my eyes, just to take it all in.
I reopen these eyes–the branches of this tree reflect a tint of light, healing blue, like the oxygen to this body. I breathe in unison with the tree–I know it feels me doing so–and I can't help but, in that moment, feel the vast network of its branches within me. I paint out in my mind the branches of my own lungs in the same fashion as these tree branches above.
There’s that little black-chinned hummingbird again.
I have this beautiful soul of a person in my life–she’s been my eternal reminder of the existence of pure love. She also happens to love birds. Birds are symbols of love, I feel. They carry such pureness in their flight, let alone. Birds are mysterious in that they are always all around us. Their bird song keeps us wondering, and yet we just sometimes accept their song as being enough to define them–again, it takes noticing the true beauty that lies in the details to sometimes fully see them. The first bird that we had shared common interest in when we had first met happened to be a hummingbird–for me, it’s my grandfather paying me a visit from his resting place. He is always visiting me. She has always mentioned wanting a hummingbird tattoo one day.
The bird song keeps me wondering too. I hear them, I know they’re there–their song adds harmonious layers to the landscape–yet, for me, I feel it as an injustice to not know exactly who I am in presence with. She had shared with me an app one day, a birdwatching app–I could tell how special that was for her to have shared that part of her with me. Today I had chosen to open this app. I pressed play on the program microphone, and let it listen. And there they were–a Lesser Goldfinch and a Killdeer; moments later, a Verdin. A little party of three different birds, and here I was in the pleasure of being in attendance. I sent her a screenshot of my proud-moment findings, and she responded with her admiration for me. “My lifer!” – I’ll leave the real one’s knowing what she meant by that response.
That little black-chinned hummingbird–it comes and it goes. And because I had noticed it once before, hidden amongst the dense, hidden tree branches, I can no longer unsee its presence. It’s a part of this experience now. It’s a part of this landscape.
It’s humorous to me. Her and I had shared our love for hummingbirds at one the earliest stages of us. I just knew that in itself was going to keep us deeply connected, having felt the deep energy of sharing that common interest. Here I am, in this moment, lying underneath this majestic tree. Here I am, stepping into this shared life experience with her, her love for us, her love for birds, her love for these slow, present moments, and my love for this life experience. It took being here with this experience, with everything that is a part of this experience–fully connected, in harmony with the sway of these branches, absorbing the light of the sun, unifying with the roots underneath this surface, and allowing myself to be a part of it all–to see this one little bird amongst all the details. Who would’ve thought this little hummingbird would be the first bird I was to see while fully connected to this moment? Yet, why am I surprised by that either? This is the life experience I am supposed to be experiencing, and at a soul level I know this. That little black-chinned hummingbird in all its detail, amongst all the details, was the peace to my soul knowing I am exactly where I am supposed to be.
Yes, I did hear the bird songs of the three. Yet, I did not see them. However, it was those bird songs amongst those three that inspired me to connect deeper. It was then that I noticed all the detail in the picture before me–it was then that I noticed the little black-chinned hummingbird as it too noticed me.
As a lifer would say–”You must see it completely to have it count.”
I see it all at the moment, and it too is seeing me.
I feel alive with it all.