Playing: Abigel by Lords of Lounge
This heartbreak will never be enough to explain how much I truly hurt.
This letter will never come close to express the emotions I felt for you...
To love someone, to lose that someone you love, and to be left to sit with yourself knowing you were the one that broke that love—there's only so much in this world that shakes me, but the aftershocks from this will remain forever.
You're given something so great sometimes. And I feel that, like children, we take it with a sense of absolute curiosity compounded with a subtle uncertainty. That uncertainty is due to the unfamiliar. The unfamiliar comes with fear. Fear will be why we push it away.
I never meant to hurt you. The universe gave me what I had always desired, and I ran from it. It was the belief that I wasn't worthy, not ready yet. It was the thought that you deserved the world and nothing less of it. It was my shit coming to surface, and being left with the question "why me?".
I will never forget when I first locked eyes with yours. The only thing present was the future I saw with you through those eyes. I forgot who I thought I was and felt my complete self in that space—I knew you felt the same way. In that moment, all of what would one day get the best of me didn't exist [and to truly have that moment of us together again in such innocence, I would grasp it once more and never let it go]. What existed was two souls meant to exist together. For how long—neither of us knew. All I knew is that I felt safe with someone so new during a time that safety meant everything.
Ashamed of my performance, truly, but I proceed forward now knowing why you came along—when I thought I was enough, now I know there was just more growth to be done.
Thank you.
Thank you for being the angele I needed when I didn't realize I was still lost. Thank you for showing me there exists different types of love. Thank you for taking that love and loving me unconditionally. Thank you for doing your best, and sharing this experience with me. Promise me this one thing: to never dull your light. Let your light shine upon those lucky enough to one day be illuminated by you, you beautiful soul.
I did what I could with what I had. Sometimes we're just not given all the tools needed in that moment to build what we thought possible.
* * *
There's only a few moments in life where we're gifted an angele—unknown as to why until they've flown away, leaving behind an experience like no other for their temporary presence.
You blink once to wake up to the truth. Blink twice, then they're gone.
Left behind is the kiss of pureness upon this tender soul.
The flow of life flows on.
Let this be my one last love letter for you.
Sincerely,
Once yours