The Empty Seat Between Us

Here I was, anticipating her arrival. It felt odd sitting in a theater by myself as the lights in the theater-space began to dim. I looked around, and I saw those with their friends, or their arm around their partner–popcorn being enjoyed amongst each other, excitement on all faces and anticipation across all isles. Energy was being shared with the companions everyone chose to show up with; and here I was just waiting. Waiting on all remaining sense of hope– “Is she going to show up?” My heart pounds, but not too loud to interrupt the silence before the movie screening. I peer to my right to see a couple a few seats next to me. It's hard to make out the gestures on their faces amongst the shadows of the theater, but I managed a quick subtle sense that they weren't in great company together. She's only two seats away from me and I can feel her uneasy energy being with him–are they okay? The intro credits begin to roll in and the lights grow dimmer.

If only he knew how unhappy he truly makes me, but I still choose to show up and show up and show up endlessly for him. I chose to be here with him tonight just to show that I still care. I don't think he realizes how much I really care for him. I do love him, I really do. Too much at times. Many times I feel he takes me for granted. I chew on this popcorn just to feel some sense of joy being here with him. He grabs my hand, but I sincerely feel nothing.

It's now 15 minutes into the film and still no sign of her. I've come to accept that I might just be watching this film by myself. Is it the popcorn that's upsetting my stomach or now knowing that I got stood up? People joke about watching films by themselves–it’ll be fun! They say. It’s great for self-growth! They say–but nothing about this I find amusing. Thank God the lights are off to not express how absolutely depressing I must look. This is the first time I am genuinely grateful for darkness, as I shed a silent tear. I peer at the couple on my right side again, but wasn't quite slick enough–in the midst of the movie light, I catch her eyes peering my way, as I not-so-discretely wipe the remaining stain of tears from my face. I quickly look away. God, I hope she didn't catch my ridiculously emotional spout.

Is that guy next to me crying? The movie hasn't even fully began. We’re only minutes past the intro credits–I know the feeling of feeling alone, but geez it’s not all that bad. What a little wuss this guy is. Man up, won’t ya? Jesus, who am I–let me take a step back here. Why am I being so cynical to this poor stranger next to me? Am I sincerely that miserable to be this cynical? Get it together and enjoy this damn movie, Isabele. C’mon now. Oh, wow–for a second I completely forgot who was sitting to the right of me. Man, his scent used to arouse me, but I cannot stand it anymore. This popcorn smells better than he does. I’ve come to accept this is over between us. I'm just patiently, praying-to-God hopeful, that he makes the first move to cut it off at this point. I'm okay being hurt, but, as much as I’m left feeling completely empty around him, I cannot fathom hurting him. But again, I showed up for him tonight so why am I feeling bad…wait, what the hell. Is he actually fucking asleep right now?

Okay, this is not too bad. I’m doing okay. No more tears. I'm recomposed. Being at a theater alone is cool, remember what they say. I'm starting to kind of enjoy this. I'm more-so certain she didn't see me crying moments ago. This popcorn is actually hitting the spot–thank God. I spent $15 on this shit. The movie, not terrible, but man would it have been much better with some company. A tear rolls down my cheek once more–dammit. I peer to my right again to see if stranger girl is looking at me during, yet again, not my proudest moment. Wait, is that her partner leaving her?

God. I wake his ass up just for him to be present with me, just to be with this special night I had planned for us. Is that too much to ask for? God knows this was the last hope to saving whatever remained of us, and he could not just once more get it together for us. Five years with you, and you couldn't show up once more for us? And your answer to all of this is to walk away like you always do–fucking coward, be gone. “Good luck finding someone who will treat you as good as I did, asshole!”. He fades around the corner of the dim-lit hallway at the base of the stairs. I really hope my “asshole” landed before he got too far away.

“Hey”–I whispered. “I’m sorry you had to see me crying. But this isn't about me–are you okay?”

She scoots to the empty seat between us, the seat that was supposed to be for mystery date, the seat that has been, until now, cutting the connection between stranger girl and I.

“Sorry, you said something but I couldn’t exactly make it out.”

“Oh, uh, yeah, good movie isn’t it?”

“Uh, yeah no it’s cool. Quick choice when buying tickets. I’ve seen better.”

I proceed to pivot myself back towards the screen, pretending that ridiculous interaction did not just happen. I grab for a handful of popcorn to play the situation cool.

That was an odd, quite unsettling little interaction there. How rude of me though–I didn’t even bother asking what brought him here tonight. I grab for some popcorn just to get my mind off it. 

“Oh, uh, hi again. I'm sorry.” Did I really just reach into the wrong bag of popcorn? Did I actually just grab her hand instead of a magnificent handful of popped corn kernels? Did I just make this situation much more awkward for the both of us? Do I need to excuse myself and just fuck off?

Shit. Our hands just touched–how much more awkward. I just wanted my damn popcorn. He’s talking to me again–uh oh. What do I do? What do I do?

“Uh, yeah. So…I saw you crying earlier. Emotional film for ya?”

Ah geez. I did not just hit him with that, did I?

She did not just admit to seeing me cry–God. Play it cool, play it cool. This girl is actually giving me the time of day. Play it cool.

“Allergies.”

Jesus, how cliche.

“Oh yeah, no I totally get it. Them damn theater allergies. Quite the buggers."

Is she actually mocking me?

"You come to the theaters by yourself often?”

At this point, I’m completely stripped of all confidence and manhood, but she’s too close at this point to pretend like I can’t hear her whispering dialect aimed directly at me–like cupid with a dulled arrow, about to shoot point blank at you. I have to engage.

“Date stood me up.”

“Well if it makes you feel any better, I just lost mine.”

“I saw that. Well kind of. I wasn't trying to be noisy, but I noticed…uh yeah, you know.”

“Oh, you saw that?”–geez. 

“Bits…you twisting his nipple to wake him up was a classic move.”

“Better than any action happening in this movie so far.”

She was witty.

“Name’s Isabele, one L. What’s yours?”

SHHHHHH.

Whispering lower, “Rider.”

“Rider?”

“Yeah, you know, like I want to ‘ride her’.”

SHHHHHH.

Thank God that shhh came into cue right before I could actually respond with that, because I would've out of sheer nervous impulsiveness.

“Hey Isabele, would you want to take a walk outside instead? I'm happy sacrificing this movie for that if you'd like.”

He was kind of sweet, in an extremely peculiar way. I like how he pronounced my name with an accent. I'm not going to correct him by saying there is none. 

I somehow managed to conjure the courage to put that sentence together. I hope she likes the accent I'm giving her name. I catch a glimpse of her smile as the next movie scene illuminates the space a tad brighter.

She grabs my hand, and we proceed around the corner of the same dim-lit hallway at the base of the stairs her partner was seen disappearing around moments ago. 

It’s dark outside. I still can’t fully make out how she looks. Yet her hand is soft, perfecty warm. Her presence brings me a sense of calm that’s harmonized and refreshing. I can still dimly make out that lovely smile of hers in the darkness.

“Hey Isabele,” I feel a groove on her ring finger, “you have an indent I’m feeling on this finger.”

“You’re holding the hand of a complete stranger, silly. The endless things you don't know, but stick around and you’ll find out.”

I continue my finger around hers. A wedding ring indent?

“Was that your husband that left you in there?”

“Keen gathering, but not quite. My ex…well more like ‘divorced and trying to work it out’. I'm too forgiving, a blessing and a curse. I should've known how this was going to end, yet again.”

“I’m sorry.”

“No no, it's okay. It's not your fault to be sorry for. The fact that he stormed off and left, I’m used to it. It was a big problem between us and a primary reason why we divorced. His actions in there just reaffirmed my appropriate choice in divorcing him. I was too accessible and selfless with my love for him, but not anym…”

“You’re a Cancer aren’t you?”

“You cut me in my tracts to bring up zodiac signs, really? You witch.”

She was so witty, I loved it. She was sassy, I dug it. Her scent she gave off, I wanted more of it. 

“Reason why I assumed so is because I’m very similar in that way. I'm also a Cancer.”

“Well Cancer, one thing I do know is that you’re no witch because you guessed wrong. I’m a Capricorn.”

I grabbed her hand a little tighter. I think she noticed that. 

“Hey, I'm happy we connected in there and I'm really enjoying this with you. It was all completely unexpected. However, I don't want you feeling the need to overgive yourself at all and I don't want to overcomplicate anything that you might still have going on, Isabele.”

She locks her fingers around mine a bit tighter, and brings me in closer.

“I really appreciate you saying that Rider. But listen, I see it this way. Let me enlighten you–you came to a movie anticipating a date to show up for you. She didn’t show. There were other plans for your night, and you just didn't know of them yet. I happened to, without even knowing you or having any sort of correlation to you, become a lone soldier as well. I lost my partner, well, ex. I hope he knows he’s forever staying that way now, that clown. Sorry, excuse me. As I was saying…the seat that I took next to you as you murmured some words to me, that seat was left empty because your date didn't show. She would’ve blocked our possible chance of connection if she did. I scooched my ass over in confidence because through that empty seat between us, you saw me in my situation in a way that my partner, excuse me, ex, had never. All I have ever wanted was to be seen by someone in the way you did, with a sense of genuine care for me, and that came with not even knowing me.

So with all said, I know you jumped ahead to say you enjoy this, and I thank you for saying that, but I sincerely want to take this moment to highlight you, Rider. Thank you for not leaving that theater when it would’ve been the easier thing to do. Thank you for shedding a tear and feeling something as a real human would. Thank you for asking if I was okay, when I truly wasnt…yeah, I did actually hear you the first time. Guilty as charged. But again, listen–I’m here with you because I can sense your pure intentions for being here with me, for being here for me. I’m a Capricorn and you’re a Cancer, and c’mon now, how does the old saying go? Opposites attract, right? I’ll admit, you're one sensitive little shit but I’m the real witch here.”

The moon above curves a crescent smile shape, as we share ours together under the warming, moonlight glow.